What am i doing...

... when i draw?

am i trying to 'transfer' the 3D object before me onto the page?

does it matter if the drawing 'looks like' the object?

is this a practical exercise or a spiritual one? does it matter?

immediate thoughts written in my sketchbook read:

Flowers from Jane.

Chose a section. Lit from the left (11.30am - dull day)

Realized as drawing, I don't have the skills to draw realistically, so went for the impression and again the focus on colour. esp. important on a dull Nov. day.

Need to endeavour to verbalize my emotional responses to colour. It IS important - deeply - can i work out why? Is it just reacting to a bright spot on a dull day. Certainly these flowers have a cheery demeanor deepened by the fact a gift from an old, not-often-seen friend. Can I capture that response? I feel it's more important than wanting to draw realistically, i.e. impressionist v. naturalistic.

Does the medium convey the message i.e. pastel pencil = more impressionistic. Would an artist's pen convey a more naturalistic i.e. more accurate drawing? What am I doing when I draw? What's my purpose?

such thoughts inspired by reading Wassily Kandinsky's Concerning the Spiritual in Art. i think art - making it, seeing it, responding to it - is a spiritual activity. but i want to develop both my practical skills and my responses as i do this course...

i've been thinking a lot about whether Art is my 'religion', the way i make sense of the world...

such thoughts are truly big and deep, but they are important to me. and i always find it interesting when an artist can articulate verbally aswell as visually. i find it adds another dimension of meaning to the artwork...

i sense such thoughts will ebb and flow as this course progresses, coming to the fore and receding... and i intend to record as many of them as possible.

Hooray!

i have finally escaped The Funk!!

a combination of letting the funk ride, owning its
existence by writing about it, and starting to read Marion Milner's On Not Being Able to Paint, this afternoon, the elements aligned enough for me to just do something!

Milner's book was originally published in 1950 - she was a psychoanalyst focusing on education and how children learn. (she was a colleague of D.W. Winnicott whose works formed the basis of my PGCE reading list back in the 80s.)

milner was a 'sunday painter' and was interested in her own creative process, in the 'outer expression of her internal desire/ mood/image'. she 'played' with 'free drawing'/ doodling and made notes on whatever she created.

she worked mainly in charcoal, a medium she found freeing. and just let her hand roam freely across the page, without any preconceived idea of what she wanted to draw...

reading her book, i instantly recognized a kindred spirit, and since the next exercise on the course is making lines in charcoal, i grabbed a new moleskine 5x7in. notebook, and let my hand draw freely. i knew i wanted to colour my free drawing, so i chose conte crayons and used any colour that took my fancy (the colours are much brighter than the photo shows).

i then wrote:

Escaping the Funk

phew! i've done it! after being lost for weeks.

drawn in charcoal, coloured by conte crayons, inspired by marion milner's 'on not being able to paint'. it's free-drawn and the message seems evident - the big red arrow snaking across the page, the arrow feathers [top left], the half-hidden target, everything framed as a picture. the outer expression of internal desires - i want to draw, to colour, to make mess:)

i've sprayed it with fixative for i know this is an important part of my drawing 'journey'.

Update

i'm still in this dreadful 'funk', but i've realized i need to write about it here and not just on my regular blog...

i know this an important part of the learning log - not just presenting exercise work - but trying to get to grips with what's going on inside...

i know i'm encountering Resistance and i know a part of why...

this art course is important to me - hell, any art is important to me - maybe too important, and i'm creating my own internal pressure.

i know i need to just relax, enjoy the experience, and work on the exercises as and when i can, but i just can't get back into it...

there are simply too many 'excuses' - my art desk's covered in 'stuff', i need to sort out my supplies and books, the kids were off for half term last week, i have no energy, the cold weather's playing havoc with my already tense muscles, and my tutor's had to leave...

...on and on...

BUT i have at least posted about it, and now i need to contact my new tutor and let him know i'm struggling...